[The smile is welcome. The uniform and the request for a ticket isn't.

Iggy, sprawled elegantly over the seats, starts patting down his clothes, looking for the requested items.]

Oh, goodness, of course, of course, let me see...

[Nope. Nothing. Fuck. He has nightmare visions of being thrown off the train at the next stop, left to wander the picturesque landscape until he dies of exposure and is eaten by coyotes.

Time to try turning on the charm.

He widens his eyes.]

I seem to have misplaced my ticket. And my I.D. too. ...look, I'll be honest with you, I don't remember getting on this train. I probably got mugged while I was sleeping. So. Is there any sort of agreement we can come to where you let me ride until we reach civilization?

[And in case it wasn't obvious what he was getting at, he not-very-subtly mimes a handjob.]